Hear me out.
I know you hate it.
I know you’d do anything to get rid of it.
I know you’re trying. Fighting. Aching.
But I’m curious…
How do you FEEL when you binge eat?
Here’s how I used to feel: set free.
Wild and uninhibited.
Satiated and soothed.
Of course I didn’t feel SOLELY those things or I’d have kept doing it!
There was also the shame.
The body hatred.
And the many many hours spent restricting in order to “make up” for what I’d eaten or hadn’t been able to throw up.
Until I thanked my binge eating – I couldn’t let it go.
Until I was grateful for everything it had given me and everything it had woken me up to…it was going to stay.
It served a purpose.
It fed me when I was otherwise starving myself.
It allowed me to let loose when I felt otherwise uptight.
It relaxed and zoned me out when I’d been feeling tense and insecure.
But when I quit starving myself…
learned to LIKE myself…
and began to find other ways of feeling freedom, wildness, pleasure, and satiation…
The binge eating didn’t serve a purpose anymore. I didn’t need it. I quit fighting, started listening, and (in what sometimes still feels miraculous) it left.
It had been my friend the whole time. Poking me. Prodding me. Waking me up to what I was missing.
How does compulsive or binge eating make you FEEL? Where’s the good in it? What can you be grateful for? And finally, can you soften and get curious about ways to meet those needs that aren’t also destructive?