I used to fantasize a lot about my “someday-self”. You know. The version of me who had juice fasted enough and logged endless hours of yoga to be the flawlessly free-spirited, flat-abbed, distrastingly glowy, little wood nymph without a care in the world because I was so goddamn zenned out of my mind.
But when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was a bloated, food-obsessed, binge eater who felt anything but free and vibrant.
Rather than floating through life, I felt trapped in my body and mind.
The body trap was weighed down by migraines, extra weight, and wicked PMS.
The mind trap was wound up in depression, self-loathing, and an exhausting barrage of endless mind-chatter.
I was willing to do anything to feel better…to just feel like me, without all this extra baggage.
So down a rabbit hole I went: becoming vegan, counting calories, running 40 miles a week, subsisting on packaged diet foods, raw foods, fasting, and taking a ridiculous mish-mash of advice from health and fitness magazines. Not all at the same time of course.
On the other side of my obsession with “fixing” myself was the binge eating, bulimia, and self-abuse.
I hadn’t found my inner wood nymph in all her free-spirited glory…but I had seem to have found her opposite.
Sure, I lost the weight on several occasions (and of course, splashed the results all over the internet) but my mind and emotions lagged behind and the weight would always pile back on.
Maybe you can relate to this: knowing exactly what it will take to feel better, but old habits and self-sabotage (read: emotional, compulsive, and binge eating!!) getting in the way of the freedom you know is possible.
And that’s where I stayed for years, even becoming so desperate as to juice fast for NINETY DAYS in hopes that my overeating would leave.
No. such. luck.
I read every book on emotional eating, tried all the tips, tricks, and tools, and even went to therapy.
I even spent a chunk of time thinking that I was a lost cause- or perhaps that all those people I’d read about, the ones who had supposedly “healed” their eating issues, were lying.
That’s how impossible it felt.
I wanted so desperately to feel ALIVE and completely FREE in my skin and I needed the transformation to become holistic.
The weight I needed to shed wasn’t just the weight showing up on the scale – I had to go deeper.
It’s been the ultimate mind, body, heart makeover and I want it for you too.