Baking + Binge Eating + Lavender Vanilla Cupcakes

Baking + Binge Eating + Lavender Vanilla Cupcakes

These cupcakes were a turning point for me.

You see, for as long as I had been baking, I either refrained from tasting or I ate half the batch in a sitting.

There was a point where I felt like the safest thing to do was to avoid baking all together.

But that’s not real safety and it’s not real freedom.

Real safety and freedom has to be found living in relationship WITH food – not running away from it.

When I embarked on creating this recipe last Fall, I was deeply entrenched in a sort of “freedom experiment”.

For the first time in my life, I was eating without rules.

Rather than judging food as “this will make me fat” or “this will make me thin” – I’d committed to seeing what my body actually LOVED.

I’d promised myself that I’d learn to eat for how I wanted to FEEL rather than how I wanted to LOOK.

So how did this impact me in the face of a piping-hot tray of cupcakes, dripping with ooey-gooey cream cheese frosting?

After pulling them out of the oven, I sat down and ate ONE…with at least as much frosting as there was cupcake 😉

That was it.

No frantic binge.

No standing at the stove, telling myself that this bite had to be the LAST BITE.

No sobbing and then cleaning myself up before seeing anyone.

Just seeing what life was like without the burden of trying to “fix” myself.

Seeing what my body would do if I listened rather than controlled.

Seeing if there really was freedom underneath a lifetime of self-loathing and rigid dieting.

Turns out, there was.




1/2 cup grass-fed butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 free-range eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 cups sorghum flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2 drops DoTerra Lavender Essential Oil
2/3 cup grass-fed milk

Preheat oven to 350. Place liners in muffin tins. Beat together softened butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla with an electric beater. In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, and salt.  Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and stir in milk. Scoop batter evenly into lined muffin tins. Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Let cupcakes cool in the tins for about 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.



1/2 cup grass-fed butter, softened
8 oz organic cream cheese, softened
4 cups powdered sugar or Swerve
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 Tbsp cacao nibs

Beat the butter and cream cheese together with an electric beater. Add the powdered sugar 1 cup at a time, mixing on low, until the frosting is smooth and creamy. Beat in vanilla and stir in cacao nibs.

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